Thursday, January 17, 2013

Aunt Casee's Headstone Unveiling

This past Sunday, as a family we saw Aunt Casee's headstone for the first time. When Uncle Tim asked me to prepare something to say, my heart fell.....I was honored, but you just try to stay busy and not think about how much you miss someone, when they're gone...and since we never went to the cemetery at her funeral, I've never connected her there.....until Sunday and that's just a place - for now - that I refuse to associate her with...nevertheless, reality is she's gone physically. Yet as my family stood together, I couldn't think of a better place for all us to be together honoring her as we saw her beautiful headstone. 

After myself, Uncle Tim and my cousin Wyatt said some words, we let balloons go, like we did at her funeral. My son Gunner has always looked at my Facebok cover photo and asked  how the balloons got in the sky and why he didn't get to send a balloon to Aunt Casee. So I was thankful we did this again at her headstone unveiling from age two to my Grandpa's age -  we sent them as a family.

I have always loved this phrase...
and what an amazing reminder when the boys come visit.

What I shared on Sunday....

The last six months I feel like I've been in a fog - trying to figure out this idea of a new normal without Aunt Casee. I've found myself questioning why her - why did she have to go through all of that and leave us, what I feel was way too soon. I've sat in my car and cried wishing to talk to her one more time to help me process a difficult situation. My heart has ached when I couldn't celebrate something awesome with her. And yet at the most unpredictable times, a song has come on the radio. Someone has said something out of the blue that just makes me know she had a part of it. There's these little moments that I hear her voice and just feel peace. And I hope we all feel more and more of those reminders as we start finding our new normal.

What I have been shown over the last six months is that God is in charge and we totally have no say in the plans He has. Which sounds like we have a conceited God that only thinks of Himself, but I believe we have a God that knows far more than we could fathom and we have to trust Him in His plans.

Just doesn't seem like long enough.
Though His plan for Casee was not what our's would have been, I trust His plan to have her in our lives, as brief as we think it was, was perfectly thought out  Planned to show us how strong we are as individuals, but even stronger as a family. I know that as we get busy with our crazy day to day lives, her spirit will nudge us to send a text, write a card or stop in to just say hi. Her willingness to help others will inspire us to help others more. Her competitive drive will keep us fighting no matter what we come against.

So I think we will be okay. Actually I know we will be okay. Because I can hear Aunt Casee saying...."We were never normal people... why should we start trying to find normal now?"

From my all time favorite movie, Hope Floats - "beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it's the middle that counts the most. Try to remember that when you find yourself at a new beginning. Just give hope a chance to float up. And it will... "