Angel Kisses

While pregnant with Mae Kathryn, I took monthly photos of my growing belly from my perspective seeing this might be our last (like 99.9% sure, but you know what happens when you say never)..... I just thought it was a fun way to document my pregnancy.

October, November, December, January & February

March - Clare Irish 5K Race

April - Hawaii 

May - Soccer Mom

June - six days before my little girl was born...a couple last walks in the field.

So when Carrie House captured newborn photos, I knew I wanted one with Mae so I could always remember the view from my perspective....like I did with the belly photos.

Now that Mae is almost nine months old, she loves to move and cuddling is a rarity left for night feedings and naps. Her crawling causes her to often pull her socks off. I only keep trying to put them on her because it's winter. I thought about putting her in tights so she couldn't pull them off, but you'd never notice this little freckle on her right big toe. Most people try to rub it off because it's easily confused as dirt or fuzz. 

After a close friend tried to rub it off, she told me a special freckle like the one on her toe was actually an angel kiss....then she said I'm sure your Aunt Casee wanted you to know she held Mae before you. 

I don't think it's irony she kissed her toe as she looked at her from the same perspective I had during nine months of pregnancy and now each night at bedtime.

So this week, when Facebook's "On This Day" shared this wall post, 

I smiled to think Casee sent Mae with a little message to tell me she knows I have a little girl and that she was able to love on her even before I held her. 

She always did like to have the last word.

Christmas at the Eisenberger's

Only a handful of Christmas cards were mailed yesterday....after the pick up time so you probably won't receive them until after Christmas. 

We've enjoyed homemade goodies from neighbors and friends, but I haven't made one batch of puppy chow, monster cookies or popcorn cakes. Thankfully, no one expects me to bring some amazing dish to pass....I'm known for my veggie tray ($10 out the door at Sam's Club) and you know what- it's usually empty by the end of the parties.

My house hasn't been cleaned since....well if I can't remember the last time I mopped than it's been too long since it was cleaned. Hopefully Santa doesn't judge....nor should you expect me to invite you in if you do drop off goodies, because you will stand on the porch as I strategically half peer out the door blocking your view into the mail and school papers piled high on the dining room table. I don't feel as bad doing this since it is 50 out. 

Oh and the elf....he hasn't moved for four nights. He's currently tangled in garland and I assume he's not up for navigating in the wind so he stays warmly nestled among the decor. I'm probably more excited of his adventure home than Santa's arrival. 

I spent hours trying to coordinated our Christmas attire and I'm already planning on having a "discussion" with the oldest because he won't want to wear what I have out for him....and you'd think Mae would be the easiest but I'm just preparing myself for the ultimate Christmas blow out just minutes after I've dressed her in the perfect red, white & green ruffly girlie outfit, that can really only be worn on Christmas and was way more than any one time baby outfit should be....

There's a lot of pressure to be in the holiday spirit, have the perfect decorations, be a grand hostess, attend parties looking all put together...the reality is, I'm over it and it hasn't even begun. 

So today I'm shutting off the phone, closing the doors to all the messy bedrooms in our house, putting up the nativity set that hasn't seen the light of day since last February when I finally took down all our decorations from Christmas  2014....and I'm just going to let whatever be, be. 

I hope you're able to do the same...and if you need permission to do so....I give you permission to go buy a store bought pie after your attempts burn. I promise the kiddos will love your gifts even if your wrapping consists of newspaper and a roll of duct tape. The clothes you haven't had time to fold, throw em in a closet and shut the door. I'm sure they'll be there Sunday...unless you receive a coupon gift for folded clothes - cash that baby in ASAP!! Oh and the Christmas cards you didn't get out....no worries! Post a pic of your super cute family on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.

And if you need some extra prayers...I woke up this morning praying for extra patience, forgiveness for all the yelling I have been doing lately, and asking for extra grace for myself and all the parents just wanting to make Christmas magical for their children....


Yet, God reminded me- like He so often does- that He made this magical holiday for each of us through the birth of Jesus....tonight many years ago a very pregnant Mary and Joseph traveled to take part in the census. They ended up in a stable where the only "people" to judge their clothing attire were livestock. And in a barn, Jesus Christ, our savior, was born.  God gave us the perfect present....a relationship with Him through Jesus. Not sure how I'd ever top that....so here's to less arguing and more laughter, less distance and more hugs, less stress and more enjoyment. 

And if Jesus' birth was celebrated in a barn, opening gifts tomorrow morning on carpet that hasn't been vacuumed in a week (or two!) will be totally acceptable. 

Merry Christmas from our family to yours.  
Love, 
Jesse, Katie, Gunner, Gauge & Mae

Mae Kathryn

On June 20, our family welcomed Little Miss Mae Kathryn Eisenberger.

It's been surreal, adding another little one to our family. Obviously, I was well aware I was pregnant for nine plus months, but I completely forgot how much I love the newborn stage. The sounds, the smells (both sweet and sour), the tiny clothes, the responsibility to care for this tiny, helpless, amazing beauty...and how it goes so fast.

Three years ago today, our lives seemed surreal as well. I lost my Aunt Casee to cancer. Since her passing, there have been moments that seemed to crawl by....experiencing life at its messiest. Many times, I would have given anything to listen to her advice and to be with her one more time.  Yet, at the same time it seems like yesterday we were celebrating her. Life goes so fast.

As we share Mae's birth, we are extremely thankful for God's grace, amazing friends and family and the many lessons life teaches us....through the hard times and the amazing times...at the end of the day we know now more than ever that we have each other and we feel blessed to have one more.

I just hope time can crawl by a little right now....I'm loving all the cuddles.

Special thanks to my mom who rocked the labor and delivery photos!

That moment when they hand you your daughter....

I met Dr. Traenkle three days before, when I came in for my weekly check in. 
She filled in for Dr. Moossavi, and though I will always love Dr. Moossavi, 
Dr. Traenkle made labor and delivery just as enjoyable ....the drugs may have also helped! 

Allison was the junior fair queen when I was the senior queen. We were 4-H members together. Her sister and I have been friends for 20 years. Our families have worked together on activities and events in the agriculture community. I took her engagement and wedding photos. We've shared so many memories together...and now Mae's birth. It was comforting having her in the room...talk about how life goes in circles... I'm thankful she is part of our circle. 

The boys were not exactly sure what to think of their baby sister, but they've adjusted well. 
Don't let them fool you, but they're completely in love.

This woman....if I'm even half the mom she is, I'll consider myself a success. 

One year later....

I run to escape.

I use to think I should run for a cause; for people who couldn't run; for a healthy lifestyle; for the chance to motivate others to run. Superficially, I run so I can eat more, get "free" shirts at races with my running buddies and wear sweet colored shoes that cost more than any other pair of shoes I own.

Running Buddies

We like to color coordinate :)

Selfishly, I admit though. Over the last year, I realized I run for me.

Sure it's awesome if my family comes to watch a race with their signs saying "My mommy runs faster than yours". I always look forward to seeing old friends and making news ones while warming up for a 5K. And keeping those people who can't run in my heart while I run, sure motivates me during those days my shoes feel like dead weight. But let's be real here - I am not this crazy runner who averages 50 miles a week....we're talking 10-15 on a good week. There are no 20 mile weekend runs for fun on my calendar. The reality is....I won't ever be a spokesperson for the running industry because I basically put on shoes that the local running store suggested, hit my running app and let the Pandora stations fill my head.  No funky gadgets, no concept on pacing, no in depth knowledge besides putting one foot in front of the other. Yet, for 20 to 60+ minutes or more, I escape....

One year ago tomorrow my Aunt Casee passed away.

I miss her.

A colleague told me that when life gets all shook up, it should be my goal to work hard and get back to neutral. It is in those moments of time you'll learn how to make your neutral even better than before - that you will come out with scrapes and bruises but your perspective will be so much greater and your appreciation deeper.

Having someone close die shakes your world. Yet, I believe in death and God and that there is Heaven - so her actual death didn't shake my world.....her not being in my life anymore did. I didn't have a sounding board anymore, I had to find a new one or two. My personal fan club lost its president and since she knew more than anyone that life revolved around me, it clearly impacted my spirit (LOL). Her absence at so many activities seemed awkward, even though everyone has tried so hard not to make it that way. And I'm sure for the rest of my life, when her name is mentioned my heart will drop a little.

So this past fall as I tried to get back to neutral, I struggled. Life became a complicated, stressful mess- like life can be sometimes. So what does Katie do when her plate is already full and stressed to the max.....ohhhh she adds ones more thing to the table.... So I figured why not run a marathon??!

I needed to do this though - to regain some sort of control. After eight years of marriage, two kids, and switching jobs; I lost myself along the way. I had gotten so use to everyone around me just always being there and going along with what they said or suggested I forgot I had my own opinion. I forgot how to challenge thoughts, confidently offer my opinions and aggressively seek what I wanted no matter the objections.

During the 16 week training - while I enjoyed beautiful winter runs, catching up on my favorite shows on the treadmill, watching flowers bloom on spring days and fitting my miles in no matter the arrangement of my schedule - I would drift away from everything and daydream. Sort out reality. Brainstorm a new approach. Think of how life would be this way or that.

#GodsAmazingWork 

And when I came up on mile 24 of the marathon, "Don't You Worry Child" by Swedish Heart Mafia came across my earphones. I just became completely overwhelmed with emotions.....in that moment I felt Casee - like she was running beside me...part of me laughed actually because she never understood why anyone would run unless they were being chased or for ice cream LOL.....but I knew she was there, and as clique as it sounds, it was if she kept her promise of being my fan club president and was cheering me on. Not just to finish the marathon, but to cheer me on to keep moving in this new neutral I had found. It's awkward, complicated, ambitious, challenging, lively....but best of all it's me.

The boys and I at the finish line of the Bayshore Marathon.

Accomplished my goal of under Four Hours -3:51.43.

So tomorrow, I'm not going to dwell on what happened a year ago. I'm not going to be sad that she's gone. ....I'm going to lace up my shoes, embrace my new neutral and escape....

....to dream about what it will be like when I see her again in Heaven.




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Special hugs and thoughts to everyone thinking about Casee today, tomorrow and everyday. Over the last year, our family has heard so many wonderful stories about how she impacted so many and how she continues to impact those who are faced with difficult situations. You are amazing and appreciated.

What A Beautiful Day

Several years ago, my dad and I were driving through Shepherd on a dark, dreary day. There was a funeral in progress, I turned to my dad and said "Crappy day for a funeral." Without missing a beat he said...."well not too sure there is ever a good day for a funeral." Point taken :)....

Yet, on Sunday, July 8th it was a beautiful day....a tealish, blue sky was filled with white comfy clouds...the sun was bright but at times hidden and a slight breeze made the summer heat warm but bearable. It was the best day I would ever hope for to celebrate my amazing Aunt Casee...the day she passed away.

I said in my last post, that on Sundays the entire family would come over and have dinner at Grandpa and Grandma's...it was just what we did. My grandparents would get up early and fix amazing food....and if you didn't eat Grandpa would ask you if you were sick because there was just something wrong about not eating two helpings of his homemade noodles, baked beans and freezer corn. And thankfully, we weren't to the point of running the roads to practices or games, because our bellies were so full we wouldn't have been very productive. Sunday's were days to just be with each other, reconnect and focus for the week ahead.

How fitting for our family - a Sunday - of all days....a Sunday where the entire family was at Grandpa and Grandmas with no place to run off to, but to just be with each other, reconnect and focus for the week ahead. This Sunday though, not much was said, not much needed to be....

And as we watched the food start filling the refrigerator and counter area, our family started to see how many other people also share their love through food. :) ... At one point, my Uncle Tim and I laughed because we were asked about five or six times if we had ate anything for lunch - at about the eighth time, I looked at him and told him - "please just eat a damn sandwich" :)...but so many took time out of their busy lives to pick up food, water, paper products, munchies and then did it again for the funeral dinner...

And on Wednesday, July 11th it was a beautiful day....a tealish, blue sky was filled with white comfy clouds...the sun was bright but at times hidden and a slight breeze made the summer heat warm but bearable. It was the best day I would ever hope for to celebrate my amazing Aunt Casee...the day we said our final good byes.

A week ago, I wrote a blog after we found out she had two weeks to a month to live....it was a blog from my heart, a blog many would read....one I would read at her funeral, one I'll carry with me to read over and over again....I honestly don't know if Casee ever read it or had it read to her - I couldn't do it myself, but I know she knows how I feel about her.

And now I know how so many others feel about her. I still haven't been able to make it through all her friends' Facebook posts on her wall because I just start crying. Listening to the stories bounce off the walls at the funeral home and while sorting photos for her slide show - oh so much laughter, so many memories to write down and have forever.

Yet, I feel like the funeral was the easy part - we were able to laugh and cry and be together with so many for four days straight...but what about now? When we go back to work, head to the grocery store, sit at a baseball game, celebrate her birthday this Sunday, the list goes on....I feel like there are a lot of dark and dreary days ahead....

But then my five year old Gunner gives me a fresh perspective...After trying to figure out how to tell him what was happening, I told him the truth, that Aunt Casee had died and she was going to meet God....his eyes got so big and he had a huge smile come across his face. Without missing a beat he said "That is so cool Mom."....... It took all I had at that moment to hold back tears and just give him a big hug while saying... "Yeah, buddy it is."  Point taken.



I'm going to miss you so much - Sending you my love.
A balloon send off on a beautiful day.